can we please just take a moment to close our eyes and imagine how insanely hilarious and refreshing a public debate between tony stark and romney would be
On gay marriage:
“No, you don’t understand, Mittens, of course I recognize gay marriage and complete equal benefits for my employees; I trust them with the best technology and equipment and explosives in the country. As long as they don’t blow up my facilities, I’ll do whatever’s necessary to keep them happy and healthy. Explosives, Mittens.”
On reproductive rights:
“Just for a second, close your eyes, and imagine that the Black Widow is your co-worker. And also lives two floors down from you, so she knows where you sleep. She once incapacitated me- for my own health, of course, but that’s irrelevant- she can do any job a man can do, better, without breaking a sweat, and she learned ‘enhanced interrogation’ from the KGB. Do you want to tell her what she can or cannot do with her own body? I thought not. Okay, moving on.”
“Who remembers that stock crash when I first came out as Iron Man and said I wasn’t making weapons anymore?” *uncomfortable snickers from audience*
“No, go ahead, laugh. Everyone thought I was crazy. Pepper thought I was crazy, and I owe her a pony for putting up with me all these years. Oh, shoot, national TV, now I have to give her one, don’t I? Anyway, they thought I was crazy, because I was shutting down the biggest branch of SI, where most of our manufacturing and research went. Investors didn’t have hope. But you know what? We took those brilliant people, got some fresh ideas, remodeled some factories, and not one employee got laid off that year. Because if you people work hard, and work together, and you work in a fair environment where every crazy, brilliant idea has a chance to flourish, then you can take half a company and grow it to bigger than it was before.
And that’s what we need to do with jobs in this country. These unemployment statistics? Suck. So let me give you some numbers about how I plan to fix that, so we can get this country working again. Here’s the plan: and then he goes and gives statistics, and Romney makes a fish face, because Pepper Gave Him Notecards And He Actually Followed Them. Well, for this part of the speech.
I am Iron Man, in case you don’t watch the news. Also, we have a Hulk. Just putting that out there. Considering the events of the last few years, I think other countries will think twice about pissing off President Stark.
On green energy: Stark is pretty much still the only name in green energy, and all our new facilities are LEED Gold certified. We’re still working on upgrades to some of the oldest buildings, but they’re well on their way. You know how hard it is to get building permits in California? So yeah, I support the efforts we make in this country to live more sustainably. Because I love this country, and I’d like to save it for the long run. It’s kind of what I do. Because it’s awfully hard to Avenge against pollution.
And in case they get into a dick size contest over who loves America more…
“I’m in a monogamous relationship with freedom”
i’m crY I CAN NO LONGER HANDLE THIS WORLD
omg help me I’ve fallen down laughing and crying and can’t find the will to get up
Okay, everyone go home. Tony Stark and this post just won the Internet.
#Oh my god #Now I’m crying #Because do you guys even know what that was? #That right there ladies and gentlemen #was Tony Stark’s daddy issues #His father was never there #So he sought solace in machines #Like the monkey and the cloth covered spoon experiment #And now he feels like he owes them a debt #because they were there when the flesh and blood of humanity wouldn’t embrace him #So he creates them to be sentient #As well as be able to simulate if not actually feel emotion #And he calls them his brain children (Like JARVIS) #and he talks to them and disciplines them and praises them and finds comfort in them #Because he believes that he’s a better father to them #than he ever could be with a human kid
WHY WOULD YOU POST SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
WELL THAT’S A LOT OF FEELINGS I DIDN’T NEED INTENSIFIED, THANK YOU.
this scene is just golden because tony was never planning to reveal his identity as iron man. but right when blondie laughs and says ‘i never said you were a superhero’, she obviously hit a nerve and tony literally goes ‘alright, you wanna play? i can play’, LOOKS HER STRAIGHT FUCK IN THE EYE, AND TELLS THE WHOLE WORLD HE’S IRON MAN. A SUPERHERO.
well played tony
#an argument could be made for 15
Coulson lent them his Special Edition Captain America deck of cards.
In the event of damage, Tony will be tazed.
In the event of naked Captain America, however, he might be inclined to call it even.